On learning to slope soar under my fathers tuition (1 Tx passed between us) I had gained sufficient confidence to try a little aerobatics on my rudder elevator, foam veneer wing, balsa box craft..Instructions came loud and clear “make sure you have sufficient height over the face of the slope, nose into wind, apply a little down elevator when you have sufficient speed pull up on the elevator and level out flight when you’re about half way through the loop". All elements of the instruction were clearly followed, until about ¼ of the way through the upward pull from the base of the loop when the wing tips decided to clap hands, there was no point in handing the Tx back to dad, as I watched the graceful decent of balsa and foam bits fall to the base of the slope. I turned to dad, my trainer, and asked "what should I do now?" his reply. "He's the car keys, take the Tx back to the car, go in the boot and bring back the large black bin liner", good scout was my dad always prepared. It would appear that from my earlier slightly heavier landings I had created a stress fracture in the veneer and under the excessive wing load they had collapsed.
A good bit of wood glue and epoxy fibre glass cloth and covering material and she was flying again, so many lessons learnt.
Further states of misfortune for both of us has been met with the cry "get the bin liner".
Not strictly an aviation funny but it makes me smile so I thought I'd share it........
I've just had a technical presentation from work about how the EU is trying to curb the use of harmful chemicals/heavy metals in manufactured products. A lot of what we make ends up in the military arena & particularly on weapons & ordinance (air & sea launched missiles such as ASRAAM & Stormshadow etc) The EU are pushing hard to make our products more "environmentally friendly" by eliminating some key chemicals that give our products their high performance
So rest assured.......when that 2000lb bomb lands on its target, no environmentally harmful chemicals will have been used in its contruction......apart from the warhead obviously!!!!!!
From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: 'I'm f...ing bored!' Ground Traffic Control: 'Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!' Unknown aircraft: 'I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!'
O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: 'United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound.'
United 329: 'Approach, I've always wanted to say this. I've got the little Fokker in sight.'
**************************************************************************************************** This is my personal favourite.........
A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after touching down.
San Jose Tower noted: 'American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport.'
A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in Munich , overheard the following: Lufthansa (in German): 'Ground, what is our start clearance time?' Ground (in English): 'If you want an answer you must speak in English.' Lufthansa (in English): 'I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany . Why must I speak English?' Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): 'Because you lost the bloody war!' ****************************************************************************************************
Tower: 'Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency 124.7' Eastern 702: 'Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway.' Tower: 'Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?' BR Continental 635: 'Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern... We've already notified our caterers.'
One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, 'What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?' The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger: 'I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and I'll have enough parts for another one.'
********************************************** The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206. Speedbird 206: 'Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway.' Ground: 'Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven.' The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop. Ground: 'Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?' Speedbird 206: 'Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now.' Ground : (with quite arrogant impatience): 'Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt t before?' Speedbird 206 (coolly): 'Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, -- And I didn't land.'
While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport , the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming:
'US Air 2771, where the hell are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!'
Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: 'God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour, and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?'
'Yes, ma'am,' the humbled crew responded. Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high. Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking:
During anti-aircraft gunnery practice with live ammo, taking part, us in a Leander class frigate, and a long-forgotten American Destroyer.
The target was a towed 'sock', with a Canberra out in front on a long wire.
On the first pass, the Yankees had the 'shoot' while we were range safety. I was monitoring the a/g radio, and running a ferrograph reel to reel tape recorder, just in case. After all the usual chit-chat regarding angles, heights, speeds and - Clear to fire? - routine, there was a pause, during which we could hear the Yankee's cannons firing, then over the radio came this rather terse message. "Tell the (word deleted) that we are towing this damn thing, not pushing it!"
A while later, it was our turn to fire at the target, with our twin 4.5's. There was the usual chat, then our cannons began spitting shells at the sky. After about twenty rounds, over the radio - "Ok, chaps, you've shredded the drogue, and you have chopped my wire into shreds for half it's length. Stop now PLEASE!"
Blond gets on a 747 and sits down in Business class, stewardess looks at her ticket and says' sorry miss but you are economy class please move to the back' the blond says 'I am famous, beautiful and i am going to Hollywood'.
So the stewardess goes to the first officer and explains and he comes down and asks her to move to economy class and gets the 'I am famous,beautiful and I am going to Hollywood' routine so the first officer goes to the captain.
The captain comes down and whispers something in the blonds ear, she gets up and flounces off to economy class without a word, the first officer asks the captain what he said to the blond to get her to move so easily.
The captain just says 'oh, i just told her the front half is going to Chicago and the back half is going to Hollywood'..............
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