Ooooohhhhh.......I bet that hurt...........

regards.

 Hi Folks,

                   I had a bad day at home not work, since we put the house on the market three months ago I have been working on the table in the dining room which isnt ideal as I had to clear it off for mealtimes.

As the market is rock bottom and look likes it will stay that way we decided to chuck the bed out of the spare room with a lot of other stuff and move my big desk which was stored in the garage in there to work on, wife is away for a couple of days visiting so I thought what better time to get the job done.

Everything went fine until I started cleaning the dining room, I had sorted out all my wood offcuts and stuff like that and put them away and all my tins of spray paint in the filing cabinet drawer which is most useful, grabbe the cloths and furniture polish and off to do the dining room.

Lifted one of the chairs onto the dining table to give it a good dusting and polish - sprayed it all over and had the sudden thought  'why has it turned silver?....................yup, although it looked very nice silver I had a hell of a job cleaning it off before the missus saw it, the Mr Sheen can and the silver spray paint can where identical size and even the colour of the can was very simular- .to quote the great Forrest Gump - SH*T Happens..........

 regards,           Terry

Question for Doug Ireland - Were you on The Fighting Cocks (43 Sqn) when they decided to

shoot down the Guardbridge Paper Mill with a Sparrow missile from one of the spare QRA planes?

Not my story but funny all the same!

 “F” Pan at RAF Waddington in the summer is not the warmest or calmest place in this land. In winter, it is positively hostile territory, I am sure I was once saw the Russian SAS there getting in some experience for a Siberian posting. On a good day, it plays havoc with the bladder; on a bad day, straight after NAAFI break it makes big men cry.

On this occasion, I was on the pan as part of a “seeing off crew” for a Vulcan B2. The aircraft was to fly on a post servicing air test. The “crewing in” procedure for a normal flight usually took ¾ hours, for an airtest, a full hour was the norm. The “seeing off crew” usually consisted of a Crew Chief who would be in charge of the aircraft, two heavies (airframe and engines fitters) from the servicing team who had serviced the aircraft. We were also blessed by the presence of some fairies (RAF technical term for those minions who chase “wiggly” amps around radio and radar equipment).

It was normal for the seeing off crew to turn out to the aircraft some 15 minute before the aircrew. We would get our checks done first, generally in time for us to correct any of our mistakes before those fool enough to fly the aircraft got to see us put things right at the last minute. We received word that the aircrew would be delayed by about 10 minutes, this happened a few times. In the meantime we where all still outside in the wind and cold, no nice warn “Porta Cabins” for us guys on “F” pan. Eventually the temperature got the better of one “fairy” and he was forced to relieve himself against the starboard main undercarriage, leaving a trail of “fluid” under the wheels.

The aircrew bus eventaully arrived, who would expect officers and aircrew at that to actually walk to an aircraft. The captain and the more senior members of the crew boarded to get out of the weather, leaving the co-pilot, and another even more junior flight member to carry out the walkabout to check the physically condition of the aircraft. The junior aircrew member eventually came across the “fluid” and called the co–pilot over to have a look. The “co” was really experienced; he was old enough to have been shaving for at least 12 months. Showing his vast experience he put his fingers to the “fluid” and rubbing them together he declared that it could not be hydraulic fluid, because it was not red in colour, he then sampled some more and said that it could not be engine oil because it was not brown in colour. He then dipped his finger in to it once more and applied it to his lips and said that it was not water glycol because it did not have a sweet taste to it. Thinking it might have been de-icing fluid; the final sample went half way up his nose on the end of his big finger. To say that he was baffled was an understatement.

He summoned the Crew Chief over and asked him what it might be. As cool as you like, the very experienced crew chief said that it was condensation from the last flight, which had been at high altitude. This of course was bending the answer somewhat since as we all knew the aircraft had been in a warm hanger for some 6 weeks on a planned service and repair program!!!! A happy and contented co-pilot went off to fly his aeroplane

I was neither a crew chief nor fairy, just a bemused airframe fitter who learned a bit more about air force life that day 

Going back a few pages to posts by the Navy Boys instead of all these Crabby goings on... old Submariners saying:

 Submarines are safer than aeroplanes; there are more planes under the sea than there are boats submarines) in the sky!

Tlaking of bailing out. Did you ever hear the story of the USAF pilot who had been used to flying aircraft eith a 0-0 seat. i.e, can eject at 0 speed and 0 feet.

He transfered to B-47s.

One day things went drastically wrong on take off so he ejected.

Unfortunately he forgot one vital thing.

The B-47 had downward firing seats.

No need for a funeral, just fill the hole in.............

                regards,               Terry

just going back to what Robin Colbourne said about his brother and the plovers. i live in cairns and have run into the same situation, except the plovers don't attack my plane i chase them (ha ha ah). everyone seems to hate these birds and i am not one to disagree.

 the plane i fly is a small cox 049 powered jet style plane which with a rocket straped on the back can do 125 kmph. this combonation of noise and speed means that i am the one annoying the plovers. now anyone would think that these birds would just fly away but they are so dumb that the just land so all i do is a low levle pass and get them in the air again. its great fun and as long as you don't hit a bird whos complaining.

SAd but true:-

A F111 crew had a cockpit fire so decided to eject (unfortunatly the F111 cockpit is an escape capsule)

Similar to the game that used to be played down the Falklands.

Things get a bit boring on the air patrols and they discovered that Penguins are very curious/nosey birds.

They used to fly back and forth a few miles off a flock of Penguins - who dutifully followed the Phantom back and forth.

Suddenly the Phantom would peel off and fly straight and low directly at the flock - who would continue to watch it until the Phantom flew above the flock - the Penguins then fell over as it went overhead.

The winner was the one that got the most Peguins to fall over!!!

They have (supposedely) banned this game now after receiving complaints.

Some people have no sense of humour!! 

See my previous pst somewhere near here.

When a  control line model hit a "Kite" hawk in Aden the bird shook itself and flew off. the model was wrecked. and the crankshaft on the engine broke.

You could soon see a plover flying round with a "kill" marking on it!