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Sign of the times - funnies

funnies...

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Mark Kettle 123/08/2017 22:10:16
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1866 forum posts
1259 photos
The guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it a 'brella' then he hesitated.
ASH.23/08/2017 22:32:34
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164 forum posts

**LINK**

That's a good one, thanks Shaunie

Bob Cotsford24/08/2017 10:31:18
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6925 forum posts
393 photos
Posted by ASH. on 23/08/2017 22:32:34:

**LINK**

love it Ash

ken anderson.28/08/2017 18:07:55
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7881 forum posts
712 photos

just heard this...worth sharing with you's......

I have created an arty underground bunker in case Britain gets invaded ---- it my Handy War Hole ..

ken Anderson....ne...1......war dept.

Gary Manuel28/08/2017 19:07:39
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1319 forum posts
1068 photos
Posted by ken anderson. on 28/08/2017 18:07:55:

just heard this...worth sharing with you's......

I have created an arty underground bunker in case Britain gets invaded ---- it my Handy War Hole ..

ken Anderson....ne...1......war dept.

I've heard that these bunkers cause enemy fire to be off target for quarter of an hour ----- every one gets 15 minutes off aim.

Sorry ...

G-JIMG03/09/2017 19:12:36
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35 forum posts
3 photos

Another true happening........

A neighbour had taken a tumble and managed to break her ankle. She was taken to Lincoln General Hospital where they did all the usual things - X-Ray, Plaster Cast, etc. before sending her home.

A couple of days later she received, via e-mail, a Customer Satisfaction Survey from the Hospital with the question ...

"Would you recommend Lincoln A&E to a friend" !!!

ken anderson.13/09/2017 16:27:50
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7881 forum posts
712 photos

man goes into the pub tells them "my car wont start,can you give me a shove"? man at the bar says" i'm a professional(chiropodist) ...I cant do anything like that....."

man say's "ok can you give me a tow"  ....... teeth 2​ ......

ken Anderson...ne...1.....laugh a minute dept.

Edited By ken anderson. on 13/09/2017 16:28:30

Keith Lomax19/09/2017 14:20:17
152 forum posts

Too many pages to read through, so apologies if this has been on before.

Driving to the West Country earlier this year to visit family who I haven't seen in a couple of years, on the A303 just past Stonehenge. Tempers were a bit frayed due to having been sitting in the inevitable queue for nearly an hour to do five miles. Just past Stonehenge is a pig farm on the other side of the road.

SWMBO says to me "they look like some of your relatives".

"Yes", I replied, "In-Laws".

ken anderson.19/09/2017 14:28:41
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7881 forum posts
712 photos

teeth 2 well done Keith ......

ken Anderson...ne...1..... teeth 2 dept.

Peter Miller19/09/2017 15:28:46
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8737 forum posts
1001 photos
10 articles

Spot on.

The trouble with most of us is that we think of the perfect answer two days later

bouncebounce crunch23/09/2017 09:06:22
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1721 forum posts
210 photos

three men in a boat

first says "that looks shocking"

second says " worst i have ever seen"

third says "Get me to a hospital"

Glyn4423/09/2017 11:18:41
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638 forum posts
89 photos

Two Irishmen flew to Canada on a hunting trip. They chartered a small plane to take them into the Rockies for a week hunting moose.

They managed to bag 6. As they were loading the plane to return, the pilot said the plane could take only 4 moose.

The two lads objected strongly. "Last year we shot six. The pilot let us take them all and he had the same plane as yours."

Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. The plane took off.

However, while attempting to cross some mountains even on full power the little plane couldn't possibly handle the load and went down.

Somehow, surrounded by the moose bodies, only Paddy and Mick survived the crash.

After climbing out of the wreckage, Paddy asked Mick, "Any idea where we are?"

Mick replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."

bouncebounce crunch23/09/2017 11:46:13
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1721 forum posts
210 photos

A fellow was out hunting when he spots a big brown bear, he takes aim, fires and misses. the bear runs him down drags him off in to the bushes and plays birds and the bees with him,

well the hunter is furious and returns the following week with a bigger and deadlier rifle. again he misses and again the bear drags him off to the bushes for more birds and the bees.

the hunter is livid and returns a week later with a bazooka. again he takes aim fires and misses. the bear runs the hunter down grabs him by the ear and asks. " you don't really come here for the hunting do you?"

cymaz03/10/2017 21:48:00
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7230 forum posts
962 photos

Bought a chameleon.....now can't find it anywhere

Daithi O Buitigh04/10/2017 22:17:02
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1269 forum posts
42 photos

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for my pension.
The woman behind the counter asked me for any documents to verify my age..
I looked in my pockets and realised I had left my wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me,' and she processed my
application..
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have got Disability, too'
And that's how the fight got started...... .

Dai Fledermaus04/11/2017 12:04:03
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915 forum posts
45 photos

No automatic alt text available.

john stones 104/11/2017 12:15:32
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8965 forum posts
1399 photos

face 1

Dave Hopkin04/11/2017 13:53:54
3613 forum posts
291 photos

Paid a visit to the Army School of Camoflague Museum a couple of weeks ago, worst museum I have ever visited - didnt see a thing

I'll get my coat................

Harry Twist04/11/2017 14:43:01
213 forum posts
116 photos

Topical one for you....

Two students from the local high school were arrested yesterday for stealing batteries and fireworks.....

......the police have charged one and let the other one off...

I will also get my coat....

cymaz04/11/2017 17:13:21
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7230 forum posts
962 photos

Didn't know wether to bury or cremate Gran....so we let her live

Last night, I tried to recapture my lost youth...after I left the cellar door open

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