Big Bandit

Dennis, Fairy power spray every time as has already been suggested. I'm not sure about Autosol unless you want a very shiny engine. Vim with a tooth brush used to work very well but I suppose it's not sold now as I've not seen it for years. Maybe an abrasive kitchen cleaner would have the same effect Just be sure to wash it off well and don't get any inside the motor. Of course you could always buy the wife an ultrasonic cleaner for her jewellery collection and road test that on the motor. Cheers, Chris.

Deliberate or not it's definitely a good advert for not trying to go it alone when learning to fly. A good advert for joining a club as I'm sure someone would have dropped a few hint's. Should be used by club safety reps as an example of how it shouldn't be done. Cheers, Chris. Edited By Big Bandit on 28/07/2012 10:22:01

Posted by Doug Ireland on 28/07/2012 01:03:37: Did Sir Paul make a hash of his own song? He did, Rich, CS, Andy, we seem to be in the minority who actually liked it and I'm looking forward to the track and field events. Cheers, Chris.

I've posted this one before but it's still funny. My next door neighbour, a long time ago (in a galaxy far away) where I used to live had a Reliant Robin, he shall remain nameless, Aka "Bob" (but for arguments sake we'll call him Keith ). Anyway he decided that his petrol gauge was not reading how it should, so he decided to fix it (should have read the Haynes Manual first ). First off he dropped the petrol tank (picture, this was a terraced house, so it was in the street, at the kirb side), and removed the sender unit from the tank (he did well without getting a trip to A&E to get this far). After inspecting the flange where the sender unit had been, he decided to remove the gasket and clean up the hole in the tank. So off he goes indoors and comes back with an old cylinder Hoover. (the kids were playing along the kirb on their bikes all of this time). The next thing there was a big bang !. The muppet had only cleaned up the rusty flange with the Hoover sucking up the rusty residue along with the petrol vapour until the sparking from the armatures of the Hoover motor sparked it off . I'll not elaborate on my language and considering the kids were playing outside, other than to say his language isn't repeatable on a family forum and neither was mine. The Hoover ended up half way up the street, less the hose which "Bob" was still holding, and the mains plug was still in the socket (in the house) less it's lead which was still attached to the Hoover half way up the street. Needless to say the kids were still ribbing him about it weeks later and so was I. The upshot is, 20 years later, his elderly mum brought the bungalow at the back of where I live now, her bungalow actually backs onto my back garden, and he's an only child. The future doesn't look bright . Cheers, Chris.     Edited By Big Bandit on 27/07/2012 16:53:09

Posted by bouncebouncecrunch on 27/07/2012 10:36:37: Fred was found at the bottom of the cliff, stone dead with a little bird, also dead, stuck to his shoulder. When Mick got to the bottom, the rescue services were already there and asked Mick if he saw what happened. Yeah, he ran, he jumped, but i told him that budgie jumpin was dangerous. Edited By David Ashby - RCME on 27/07/2012 10:47:20 BBC, behave yourself.   Edited By Big Bandit on 27/07/2012 15:35:36

This one ain't bad Cheers, Chris.

Good drills these. Cheers, Chris.

And another Cheers Chris.

Hope this works, I just love this one. Cheers, Chris.

How to read Haynes manuals Haynes: Rotate anticlockwise. Translation: Clamp with molegrips then beat repeatedly with hammer anticlockwise. Haynes: This is a snug fit. Translation: Clamp with molegrips then beat repeatedly with hammer. Haynes: This is a tight fit. Translation: Clamp with molegrips then beat repeatedly with a hammer. Haynes: As described in Chapter 7... Translation: That'll teach you not to read the instructions before you start. Now you are looking at scary photos of the inside of a gearbox. Haynes: Undo... Translation: Go buy a tin of WD40 (giant size). Haynes: Retain tiny spring... Translation: PINGGGG - "Where the hell did that go?" Haynes: Press and rotate to remove bulb... Translation: OK - that's the glass bit off, now fetch some good pliers to dig out the bayonet part (and maybe a plaster or two). Haynes: Lightly... Translation: Start off lightly and build up till the veins on your forehead are throbbing then clamp with molegrips then beat repeatedly with hammer. Haynes: Weekly checks... Translation: If it isn't broken don't fix it. Haynes: Routine maintenance... Translation: If it isn't broken, it's about to be. We warned you. Haynes: One spanner rating. Translation: An 3 year old could do this... so how did you manage to screw it up? Haynes: Two spanner rating. Translation: Now you may think that you can do this because two is a low, teensy weensy number... but you also thought the wiring diagram was a map of the Tokyo underground (in fact that would have been more use to you). Haynes: Three spanner rating. Translation: Make sure you won't need your car for a couple of days. Haynes: Four spanner rating. Translation: You're not seriously considering this are you? Haynes: Five spanner rating. Translation: OK - but don't ever carry your loved ones in it again. Haynes: If not, you can fabricate your own special tool like this... Translation: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Haynes: Compress... Translation: Squeeze with all your might, jump up and down on it, throw it at the garage wall, then find some molegrips and a hammer... Haynes: Inspect... Translation: Squint at really hard and pretend you know what you are looking at, then declare in a loud knowing voice to your wife "Yep, as I thought, it's going to need a new one" Haynes: Carefully... Translation: You are about to suffer deep abrasions. Haynes: Retaining nut... Translation: Yes, that's it, that big spherical blob of rust. Haynes: Get an assistant... Translation: Prepare to humiliate yourself in front of someone you know. Haynes: Turning the engine will be easier with the spark plugs removed. Translation: However, starting the engine afterwards will be much harder. Once that sinking pit of your stomach feeling has subsided, you can start to feel deeply ashamed as you gingerly refit the spark plugs. Haynes: Refitting is the reverse sequence to removal. Translation: Yeah, right. But you swear in different places. Haynes: Prise away plastic locating pegs... Translation: Snap off... Haynes: Using a suitable drift... Translation: Clamp with molegrips then beat repeatedly with hammer. Haynes: Everyday toolkit Translation: RAC Card & Mobile Phone Haynes: Apply moderate heat... Translation: Unless you have a blast furnace, don't bother. Alternatively, clamp with molegrips then beat repeatedly with hammer. Haynes: Index Translation: List of all the things in the book, exept what you need to do. Cheers, Chris.

Two cows chatting in a field. One says "Isn't this mad cow thing terrible. I hear some of them have got it over at the Clegs farm". The other replies "Not too bothered, it doesn't affect us ducks." Cheers, Chris.

Hi Alan, Well done mate, I wish I'd have known you were at the patch. I've been up to Derby Road this afternoon after a bit of a session at Huncote, Dave B was there with his grandson flying the Foamy E wot no one else though. Give us a bell if your there next Thursday or Friday. Cheers, Chris.

Middle England for me, Leicestershire good Rugby and Cricket county. Cheers, Chris.

Neck strap for me. Cheers, Chris.

Hope this works. Take a plane down your street Cheers, Chris.