Sign of the times - funnies * Remember this is a family friendly forum and inappropriate postings will be removed without warning.

[001]

Three men were standing at the top of the Empire State Building. One said to the smartly dressed one, "What line of work are you in?" He said "Oh, I'm a banker"

"Well do you know that the updraught off this building can support a man? I'll show you"

 

With that he climbed over the edge and spread his arms and legs and flew around the building, then did a few flips and sprung nimbly back over the parapet. "Why don't you try it?" He said to the banker. So the Banker climbed over the edge and plummeted 1000 feet to the sidewalk.

 

"Thats a cruel trick Superman" said the third man. 

[ken anderson.]

just been on the local news......one of our local mp's is going to sue the local bakery chain for using his signature on their hot cross bun's.................

 

 

 

                  happy easter....ken anderson.............

[Chris C]

haha..........................................................................i have nothing to add to this topic.............that wouldn't be removed

[ken anderson.]

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
And then the fight started.......

 

we've all Been there.................ken anderson..........

[Phil Claridge]

the other half came out of the shower and i said if you are wearing that for christ sake iron it  ouch i still have the scars

[Chris C]

haha

[ken anderson.]

what about the bloke who went to the doc's complaining of poor eyesite?........

 

"come outside say's the doc"--"look up.........what can you see?"

 

 "the sun"............

 

"how far do you want to see" reply's the doc...............

 

 

 

 

         beat that........ken anderson.................

[ken anderson.]

you'll have to be from the north east to understand the following..............................two lad's talking away.one say's "me marrow won the leek show".............

 

 

                ken anderson...............

[RonSpencerUK]

What about the man who went to the doctor and wanted  something for persistant wind.

The doctor gave him a kite! 

[Al Dee]

I would like to send birthday wishes to fellow Northumbrian Ken Anderson's Joke.  Happy 100th to you all.

[Former Member]

[This posting has been removed]

[ken anderson.]

hello al-i read your 'more about me'--liked the wedding night advice from your dad...................

 

                  ken anderson..............

                

 

[Al Dee]

Thanks Ken

I also like the story about my mother not knowing my dad was a drinker.  Then he came home one night sober.

We club secretary's must stick together.  By the way we have invited Roger Bellingham from the BMFA to visit CADMAC at our next meeting.  We are sending out invitations to other NE Area clubls to send up to two members to attend.  Date is 13th May Time is 8.00pm The venue is at the Keel Row, Seaton Delaval.  You can ring me on 01670 733096 or email me at [email protected]

[Al Dee]

An irishman talking to his mate,  "I see youve burnt your ear Paddy".  "Yes I was doing the ironing when the phone rang and I forgot that it was the iron I was holding and put it to my ear.  I certainly dropped it quick".  "Then why is your other burnt as well".  "Bloke rang me back didn't he".

Edited By Timbo - Moderator on 27/04/2009 20:47:11

[Clive Matthews]

For Ken only!

 

Fellow walks into an Ashington hairdressers and say's 'I want a perm'. Hairdresser replies 'Mary had a little lamb..........'

Customer - 'No no, I want to be curled!'

Hairdresser - 'Well leave yer coat here and stand outside!'.

 

Non Northumbrians don't even try!

[ken anderson.]

what about the bloke -get's a phone call 1 o clock in the morning-get's out of bed answer's the phone say's-"it's the lifeboat you want"

 

there lass say's "who was it"?

 

he answer's-"some bloke wanting to know is the coast clear".....

 

               ken anderson..........

[Andy Freeman]

Reminds me of another Ashington Joke. Involves a dented car, a curb and "bob a job week"

 

Any Northumbrians care to have a guess?

[Chris C]

I KNOW.............................................................................no i don't really...........OR do i?  

[ken anderson.]

you've got me andy??

 

 ken anderson.................

[Jimbo565]

Ken,you have never heard Brendan Healey before ??,Ashington have a language all of their own

Curb        as in kerb stone  or junior boy scout

Blurred     stuff htat runs through your veins   nowt to do with vision

Perm        mary had a little lamb  nowt to do with hair dressing

 

Jim 

[Jimbo565]

Ken.

 

One of little Bobbys,

 

Guy knocks on door----Your dog is chasing everybody on a bike

 

Little bobby -------------Take the bike of it then.

 

Jim

[ken anderson.]

bet ther'es not many know what you mean when you ask for an ice cream with "monkey's blood" on it............... ..

 

                 ken anderson...............

Edited By ken anderson. on 28/04/2009 10:00:23

[Andy Freeman]

LOL...Next door are from down south somewhere. There kids were round ours last summer and i got them all an ice cream. I asked who want monkeys blood and you shuld have seen their faces! Not only did they not have a clue what I was talking about they were also veggies too!

 

Kind of spoiled having to explain it was strawberry syrup

[Jimbo565]

Should that not be monkeys blurred

 

Jim

[Jimbo565]

Andy / Ken

 

best ice cream in the world   Riggys at Seaton Delaval.

 

You can tell its raining over Cramlington and Blyth,this computer is red hot