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Why do so many forumites get angry with other members ?

so many arguments these days .

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Engine Doctor28/05/2015 10:01:00
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What's changed of late ? I regularly read in other parts of this and other forums discussion that degenerate into proper arguments . I wonder sometimes how the moderators put up with it without just shutting down the thread. If we don't agree with another's opinion then just leave it as as a disagreement . No need to threaten or become abusive . We have all heard of road rage should we now have a new term for the forums? Perhaps "forum fights" or" key boards at dawn" . Its very easy to get carried away but please , to those concerned , keep it light and friendly.

Area 5128/05/2015 10:06:13
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Wholeheartedly agree ED... its our hobby and pastime after all... Something we enjoy, well most it would seem.

simon barr28/05/2015 10:06:26
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I agree, ED... I thought that we were all in this for the same reasons.... To enjoy our hobby, and help others.

I don't like it either when something kicks off. disgust

ken anderson.28/05/2015 10:09:22
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probably they mis read the words and I suppose to some its like a red flag to a bull ....plus lots of different personalities..... who want it their way or no way.......... me I'm quite happy having a laugh...and helping others......some get up earlier so they can cause bother longer.....

ken Anderson...ne....1 no anger dept.

Biggles' Elder Brother - Moderator28/05/2015 10:12:31
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Well, as you might imagine, as a moderator I couldn't agree with you more ED! We like strong debate on the forum of the issues around our hobby, but it should always be underpinned with mutual respect for the other side's opinion. You may not agree with what someone says but they do have a right to their opinion and everyone needs to accept that. To be fair most members do treat each other with respect, but I agree sometimes a few do feel that it is acceptable to hurl rude and offensive remarks.

When this happens we tend to look at the context. So if its a member who is normally very polite and reasonable we put it down to them maybe having a bad day and 99% of those cases the matter is swiftly dealt with via a discrete PM asking the person concerned to go and kick the cat and calm down. In a few cases stronger action is needed and when it is needed we are not at all hesitant to take it!

One thing we have noticed- and this is based on a number of years of experience - is that when we have longish spells of poor weather and folks can't go flying the grumpiness level of the membership definitely goes up! Honestly - you can track it like a weather forecast!

But overall, I still feel this is very content and happy place most of the time, certainly compared to many other forums where you can you head bitten off for saying "hello"! Let's keep it that way.

BEB

PS No animals were injured in the making of this post wink 2

Edited By Biggles' Elder Brother - Moderator on 28/05/2015 10:14:31

Colin Leighfield28/05/2015 10:22:01
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BEB, I think there can be an element of the "when in the car they grow horns" syndrome. It seems to be an element of human nature that when interacting with others indirectly, either through a windscreen or the Internet, behaviour can be different to how it is when conversing face to face. Perhaps it depends on a perception of whether the other person is in a position to thump you or not! It's a peculiar characteristic, but sadly not unusual.

Essjay28/05/2015 10:26:59
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I think ken is quite right about the misinterpreted words. It's very easy for the written word to be taken in an entirely different way to what was originally intended. Usually if that happens, a simple explanation can calm the situation. However it's inevitable some people see the 'red mist', and that's when things kick off.

I think the mods here have a thankless task sometimes, however they should be praised for the way they keep things at a sensible level.

 

Edited By Essjay on 28/05/2015 10:27:43

Concorde Speedbird28/05/2015 10:41:40
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When you are talking to someone on a forum or anywhere on the internet, it is very different to actually talking to someone in real life. It is easy to subconsciously forget (for some) that there is actually someone on the 'other side', which changes the way you speak to them. It means you say things that you normally would not, which can lead to people becoming more protective of their opinions- and more aggressive when they are challenged.

There is a word for it that I do not know. It doesn't happen to everyone fortunately but it has happened to me on here (this is the only internet communication site I use) on bad days, some of my posts I look back on and think 'why on Earth did you say that!'. Now I only post what I would actually say in real life, remembering there is someone reading what I am writing.

CS
Alistair Scolley28/05/2015 10:41:48
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Getting angry on the Internet is not a new problem, ED. I started work in the computer industry in the 1970s and have had an e-mail account since the 1980s. People working in computing noticed very early on that online discussions could easily develop into full-blown blazing rows. My impression is that when words are written down they come across much more strongly than if they were spoke, so that when someone makes a mild criticism the listener hears it as a straight insult. Why, I don't know. That's for the psychologists to work out.

I've seen people on this forum respond to a criticism by saying lol, which is an excellent way of defusing a potential argument.

Alistair

Pete B - Moderator28/05/2015 10:46:42
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An interesting and timely thread - I've just spent 20 mins or so composing a PM to a member discussing much of the above!

I don't think it does any harm at all for those who are not averse to a slanging match to see threads such as this - perhaps they'll take note that the majority here do want healthy, civil discussion, where differences of opinion can be expressed and accepted without the need to get personal or insulting.

We all have different writing styles, too - what may be considered a fair and reasonable comment by one may be taken as rude and offensive by someone else - so sometimes, it's worth just taking a deep breath and thinking before taking to the keyboard. That applies to both those who feel the need to make the sharp comment, as well as the recipient who thinks he knows what the OP meant smile

It would be very dull indeed if we all agreed on everything - I, for one, wouldn't want that from a forum - but at least, we should be able to agree to differ.....teeth 2

Pete

..28/05/2015 10:51:43
974 forum posts
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Sadly IMHO , I think there are some who post purely to be antagonistic and deliberately manipulate others words to ill effect.

avtur28/05/2015 11:10:31
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I seem to remember attending a course at work about improving communications where we were told that up to 70-80% of communication is 'none verbal', e.g. that body language, facial expression, tone of voice (et al) play a significant part in how our message comes across to others.

I think Internet forums are a fine example of this, here it is entirely down to our choice of words and it is so easy for the 'intention' of words by one person not to match the 'perception' of words by others. Once this starts and you have a misunderstanding then it can escalate, especially if one or other of the parties is 'having a bad day'... and I think we we all have bad days ... sometimes.

john stones 128/05/2015 11:10:43
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I think the lack of eye contact and facial expressions leads to posts not reading how you meant to say them, it's easy to put your foot in it and easy to take offence when none was intended, tricky things forums but don't blame me he started it. wink

John

I agree with Avtur I just type slower.

Edited By john stones 1 on 28/05/2015 11:12:31

Keith Evans 328/05/2015 11:20:48
371 forum posts
81 photos

If I remember correctly from some research a good while back then, for effective communication

The average written word is only about 17% effective

The average spoken word is about 32%

and body language about 57% So the main problem seems to arise from not being able to speak to someone face to face .Unless you are a lawyer !!!!

ROY DAVIES 128/05/2015 11:23:18
139 forum posts

The computer cannot express emotion but the author of the message can apart from the obvious obnoxious comments a great deal of people have a definite problem getting their 'message' so to speak across in a form that people can read and interperate it as was intended. It might be down to education.

Some people are just antagonistic. Our hobby is a gentle pursuit of model flight and all that leads up to it and in general requires patience and understanding. So then who are these destructive individuals ??

Bob Cotsford28/05/2015 11:30:45
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7927 forum posts
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yep, lack of associated body language can put an edge on typed words that wouldn't be there face to face.

On the other hand maybe we are just a bunch of curmudgeonly old far gents

john stones 128/05/2015 11:35:46
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10501 forum posts
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I don't know Roy I think forums are tricky at times, there's a few very well educated curmudgeonly gents about as well.smiley

John

ken anderson.28/05/2015 14:02:59
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I must admit the first visit to greenacre's that I made ........... I was apprehensive knowing that the forum mod's/god's would be present...... but after a few Btl's of falling down juice everything was OK....... I remember Ronnie(weasel) mentioning "can you feel the love" in the marquee at 11.30 pm/ish ...... and he was correct- once we got over the shock of seeing some of the Mod's in the flesh etc.... lips ....

ken Anderson...ne....1 Love dept. teeth 2

David Ashby - Moderator28/05/2015 15:33:53
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Good thread ED. As others have noted, it's not what you say but how you say it. T'was ever thus.

Obviously, I'm the chap the buck stops with and I've had some 'interesting' messages over the years when I and the other mods had to our our foot down and take troublemakers to task - threats and promises that I'll be tracked down and 'sorted out' at shows etc.

I find this amusing...in the main. That some folks use a hobby as a way to bully and threaten others is incredibly sad though. Truth be told, a number of the 'cases' the mods have come across over the years often boil down to problems with alcohol and/or depression.

This site is over 8 years old and, obviously, we've had to say goodbye to a few individuals over that time. Some have come to speak to me at shows etc. and I can honestly say that I've never met a single one who I didn't get along with in the flesh....after a little defrosting. smile

One general (and it's very general) rule of thumb I have noted is that those who are actively building, flying and getting involved tend to be happier than those who've lost interest yet somehow hang around unable to find anything else to do with their lives.

..28/05/2015 15:42:19
974 forum posts
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"One general (and it's very general) rule of thumb I have noted is that those who are actively building, flying and getting involved tend to be happier than those who've lost interest yet somehow hang around unable to find anything else to do with their lives."

My thoughts entirely David, and this can also be seen at clubs across the country.

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