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Sign of the times - funnies

funnies...

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Devcon127/03/2018 12:40:11
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1327 forum posts
462 photos

No problem BEB, thanks for all the voluntary effort you and the mods put into supporting this great forum.

Talk about expectation and build up, the joke was told to me at the weekend by a group of year 9 students, they found it amusing.

 

"How do you make a Hot Cross Bun"

Pour boiling water down its hole...

 

Bumm bumm or should that be bun bun

 

Edited By Devcon1 on 27/03/2018 12:47:51

The Wright Stuff27/03/2018 12:43:53
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1349 forum posts
225 photos

I find that apostrophe extremely offensive! Mods!!!

Mark Agate10/07/2018 10:00:51
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141 forum posts
36 photos

What do you call a BEC that makes a noise like a car horn if the input voltage is low?

A Tooting Bec.

ken anderson.10/07/2018 16:48:53
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8176 forum posts
755 photos

our local swimming baths have closed lanes 7 an 8 to save water in the current(pun) drought conditions....

ken anderson...ne...1.... drought dept.

ken anderson.12/07/2018 07:40:15
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8176 forum posts
755 photos

a thief who has been stealing calendars has been given 12 months in jail ……. emotion

ken anderson....ne..1.....calendar dept.

Martin Harris12/07/2018 11:10:43
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7917 forum posts
203 photos

Are his days numbered?

Robert Cracknell12/07/2018 11:46:45
122 forum posts
2 photos

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?

Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up, and shouted, “I AM NOT HAPPY !!!"

So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"

And then the fight started.....

Robert Cracknell12/07/2018 12:10:23
122 forum posts
2 photos

This is a transcript of an ACTUAL radio conversation between a US naval ship and Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995 released by the Chief of Naval Operations.

Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course

Canadians: No! I say again, you divert YOUR course.

Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN. THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT’S ONE-FIVE DEGREES NORTH OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

Canadians: This is a lighthouse Your call !!

Daithi O Buitigh12/07/2018 12:24:48
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1319 forum posts
47 photos

Nice story but unfortunately an internet legend LOL

Daithi O Buitigh12/07/2018 13:25:00
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1319 forum posts
47 photos

Two stories from Air Traffic Control at RAF Aldergrove (first is true, second is apocryphal)

Chipmunk from Queen's University squadron coming in for landing:

You're above the glide path

You're still above the glide path

Oh don't worry - you'll just land a bit further along the runway

Helicopter on finals

Whiskey 13, Tower, confirm three greens

Whiskey 13, Tower, I say again: confirm three greens

Tower, Whiskey 13, Look out your window. This is a Wessex. My wheels are welded on

ken anderson.04/10/2018 15:13:05
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8176 forum posts
755 photos

the inventor of the USB stick has died today...………..thanks for all the happy memories we shared...

ken anderson...ne....1...laughter dept.

The Wright Stuff04/10/2018 15:22:18
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1349 forum posts
225 photos

I crashed my plane into the middle of a catholic sermon!

It turned out to be the centre of mass...

Peter Miller04/10/2018 15:37:28
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9426 forum posts
1093 photos
10 articles
Posted by The Wright Stuff on 04/10/2018 15:22:18:

I crashed my plane into the middle of a catholic sermon!

It turned out to be the centre of mass...

So not a mass build but a mass destruction

KiwiKid04/10/2018 22:46:35
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433 forum posts
437 photos

One for Trekkies

picard.jpg

… and Terry Pratchett fans.

star trek.jpg

cymaz04/10/2018 22:51:24
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7901 forum posts
1032 photos

A farmer and his sheepdog were working in a field one day.

The sheepdog says to the farmer,” I’ve put your 30 sheep in the pen”.

The farmer replies, “ I only had 27 sheep”.

The dog says,” I know , I just rounded them up” dog party

alex nicol05/10/2018 00:01:05
159 forum posts
4 photos

Try this, pilots vs maintenance crew, it's really funny

https://aviationhumor.net/pilots-vs-maintenance-engineers/

alex nicol05/10/2018 00:11:51
159 forum posts
4 photos

old couple go to the doc's, hubby's a bit deaf and feeling under the weather.

doc says, I'm going to need a stool sample, semen sample And a urine sample

the old boy says .............Pardon

doc says a bit louder, I need a stool, sample, semen sample and a urine sample

the old boy says ...............pardon

The wife leans over and says give him your pants

Robert Cracknell05/10/2018 01:11:55
122 forum posts
2 photos
"Doctor, I think I am Mickey Mouse"....

Doctor "You're just suffering from Disney spells"

Doctor "I think I am Tom Jones. Is this rare?"

Doctor " it's not unusual"
Peter Miller05/10/2018 08:19:34
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9426 forum posts
1093 photos
10 articles

I really love the Terry Pratchett one.

I have actually seen the RAF Form 700 (Aircraft log) Entry

P: "Mouse in aircraft"

Ground crew: "TRap set. Aircraft serviceable to fly"

Peter Miller05/10/2018 08:21:01
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9426 forum posts
1093 photos
10 articles

And this is one that I keep on my favourites

**LINK**

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