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Sign of the times - funnies

funnies...

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Josip Vrandecic -Mes19/09/2012 19:40:24
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2982 forum posts
259 photos

Dear Ken,maybe they though...You are hungry.....also not very mature...sad

Kepp on running mate !

All the bestface 1

Joe (Shooting dpt)

Edited By Josip Vrandecic -Mes on 19/09/2012 19:45:21

bouncebounce crunch22/09/2012 05:29:17
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1739 forum posts
212 photos

the Scotsman, Jock has been Mac'ntyres for years.

the Englishman, Mr Sadler made saddles.

the Aussie, Mr Crapper, well his model planes don't fly too well.

campers do it in rows.

surfers do it standing up.

doctors do it in a surgery.

lawyers do it for a fee.

Peter Miller22/09/2012 08:54:19
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10011 forum posts
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10 articles

2 story dunny.jpg

Snorbitz22/09/2012 12:22:26
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280 forum posts
58 photos
Prince William has been asked to take on extra royal duties.

Well it's not as though he has got his hands full is it!
ken anderson.30/09/2012 10:19:58
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8415 forum posts
772 photos

what about the venriloquist...who was doing his act at the local theatre...cracking jokes about 'dumb blondes'.......when one in the audience stood up and said she had heard enough and wasn't going to pay good money to sit and listen all night to his non pc jokes....when he tried to point out that it was just an act etc.........she told him to shut up and mind his own buisness.......she was talking to the little fellow on his knee not him.......! . teeth 2 .....

ken anderson ne..1 ...... joke dept............

bouncebounce crunch30/09/2012 23:50:37
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1739 forum posts
212 photos

A woman goes to the doctor, "what can I help with" asks doc.

"well i'm a cleptomaniac, I can't help myself, If i go to a motel i take the little shampoos, soaps, coffee, tea and sugar. If i go to a hotel i take the bath robes, the towels, ashtrays and cutlery, It's terrible i can't stop please help."

the doc hands her a bottle of pills and tells her "take two of a morning and three at night for seven days, If that doesn't work see if you can get me a Dvd player."

bouncebounce crunch01/10/2012 09:17:12
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1739 forum posts
212 photos

My wife said she would like to lose some weight. I said,well you should spend more on my models and less on your food.

David Ashby - Moderator28/10/2012 16:26:40
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10895 forum posts
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605 articles

I liked this.....

431628_10152214953085626_282556095_n.jpg

Edited By David Ashby - RCME on 28/10/2012 16:26:56

Myron Beaumont28/10/2012 20:15:16
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5797 forum posts
51 photos

David

Sorry but could you explainquestion

Biggles' Elder Brother - Moderator28/10/2012 21:32:03
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15748 forum posts
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Myron,

David is making a joke about the current rash of posters relating to the recently released WWII Ministry of Information poster "Stay Calm and Carry On". These posters usually contain some variant of the basic message. Originally mildly funny - the thing is, as David's post suggests, wearing a little thin!

BEB

ken anderson.30/10/2012 09:50:37
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8415 forum posts
772 photos

this could happen if we carry one chopping down the tree's........... teeth 2 ...

nee trees.jpg

 

ken anderson .. ne..1 ...... nee tree's dept.....north

Edited By David Ashby - RCME on 31/10/2012 08:23:46

ken anderson.31/10/2012 10:00:17
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8415 forum posts
772 photos

might be the right time to warn everyone that its that time of the year again.....when the mother in law will be out tonight displaying on her 2012 broomstick....... this year she is using her new uprated one with a 6s/8000m/ah lipo.......and 2.4 radio.......we should be able to keep her in check as she now has the new telemetry gizmo's etc.........she is talking about heading down to the south of the country to take part in the MIL 3D champ comp...only thing is the forecast for strong winds.......if she go's down (dead stick) ...please dont try and return her to..... ne..1.... we'll give you the reward to keep her........ teeth 2 ...

ken anderson ne..1 M.I.L..... dept

Eamonn Fahey31/10/2012 19:35:22
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528 forum posts
58 photos

Stevie Wonder is playing his first gig in Tokyo and the

place is absolutely packed to the rafters. In a bid to

break the ice with his new audience he asks if anyone

would like him to play a request. A little old Japanese

man jumps out of his seat in the first row and shouts

at the top of his voice...

"Play a Jazz chord! Play a jazz chord!"

Amazed that this guy knows about the jazz influences

in Stevie's varied career, the blind impresario starts to

play an E minor scale and then goes into a difficult

jazz melody for about 10 minutes. When he finishes

the whole place goes wild. The little old man jumps up

again and shouts...


"No, no, play a Jazz chord, play a Jazz chord".


A bit nonplussed by this, Stevie, being the professional

that he is, dives straight into a jazz improvisation

with his band around the B flat minor chord and really

tears the place apart. The crowd goes wild with this

impromptu show of his technical expertise.

The little old man jumps up again. "No, no. Play a Jazz

chord, play a Jazz chord".


Well and truly brassed off that this little guy doesn't

seem to appreciate his playing ability, Stevie says to

him from the stage "OK smart ass, you get up here

and do it!"


The little old man climbs up onto the stage, takes hold

of the mike, and starts to sing.....

(wait for it...)

"A jazz chord to say I ruv you................."

Roger Bird31/10/2012 20:52:46
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93 forum posts
20 photos

I've got a soft spot for my mother-in-law............

.......It's called quicksand!

Peter Miller01/11/2012 08:12:36
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10011 forum posts
1177 photos
10 articles

OR as one person said.

"I like your mother in law better than mine."

Bob.....01/11/2012 08:29:02
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69 forum posts
12 photos

i would'nt say my mother in law was on the large side,but,watching t.v one evening and she walked in front of it,i missed three episodes........boom boom!

Stephen Grigg01/11/2012 09:26:59
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8691 forum posts
1128 photos

That Ken Anderson ,he is a card.

bouncebounce crunch01/11/2012 10:35:01
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1739 forum posts
212 photos

There was a young lad from Dunblain.

having his first ride in an aeroplane.

he had such a fright.

on that first flight.

we heard "MUM, I won't do that again."

David Ashby - Moderator04/11/2012 16:41:01
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Moderator
10895 forum posts
1663 photos
605 articles

smile

21682_10152235323035626_1594970611_n.jpg

Edited By David Ashby - RCME on 04/11/2012 16:42:02

Peter Miller09/11/2012 14:49:32
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10011 forum posts
1177 photos
10 articles

One for Timbo

This a list of films in a box set of war films from the latest "Simply Entertainment catalogue".

The Bridge on the River Kwai,

Sands of Iwo Jima

The Buns of Navarone

Etc, etc.

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